Snowstorms and Self-Discovery: My Journey from Pleaser to Authentic Self

Sunday mornings, in my world, should be synonymous with relaxation. However, my recent resolution to stay up past my usual bedtime of 8 pm (or let’s be honest, sometimes 5:30 pm) has been throwing a wrench in my plans. I mean, I can’t be tucking myself in three hours earlier than our 10-year-old, right? At least not until I hit the big 5-0. That’s my line in the sand.

So, there I am, battling my New Year’s resolution to embrace the night owl life, but those 4:45 am wake-ups are putting up a good fight. The weekend rolls in, and I graciously (read: desperately) allow myself to ignore that alarm… until Olive and Otis, our canine alarm clocks, decide it’s breakfast time at the crack of dawn.

Fast forward to this double bonus Monday off – MLK Day, plus a snow day. Yay! I’m out of bed at 5:30 am, armed with green juice, ready to savor a good read while watching the snowflakes perform their serene dance outside. It’s the perfect setup: blanket, book, blissful silence, and dogs napping post-breakfast.

But just as I’m about to immerse myself in literary paradise, my mind starts its familiar, nagging routine. “You should be shoveling snow,” it scolds. I parry with a quick, “No snow shovels in Nashville,” but the mental jabs keep coming. “Walk the dogs,” “Play in the snow with Lucy,” it continues. Seriously, brain? Lucy’s not even awake yet!

Where is all this ‘shoulding’ coming from? Just when I thought I had surrendered my inner cleaning warrior, my brain decides to pick a new battle: the relentless ‘shoulds’ of my Saturday morning. I’m sitting there, trying to enjoy my book, and my brain’s like a drill sergeant on overdrive. “Do this, do that.” I feel like Cinderella, with an endless stack of chores but no fairy godmother in sight.

I take a deep breath and decide to get curious. Why am I so obsessed with busying myself? I close my eyes and tune in. There’s a burning sensation in my chest, like I’ve swallowed a fireball that’s now lodged in my throat. I’m itching to move, to do something, anything to escape this feeling. It’s like my body’s craving action as a distraction from discomfort.

The more I sit with it, the more I realize I’ve been a slave to this taskmaster in my mind for far too long. It’s always been about proving myself, about earning love and validation through constant doing. It’s exhausting.

I delve deeper. What am I really afraid of? It boils down to fear: fear of being seen as lazy, fear of disappointing others, fear of not being loved. All these years, I’ve been running on this hamster wheel, chasing others’ approval, losing sight of who I really am.

But today, as I sit with my green juice and my unread book, I choose a different path. I decide to listen to my heart, to explore who I am beneath all the doing and pleasing. I discover I don’t actually like snow, tight pants are my nemesis, and I have a newfound love for building legos.

Funny, isn’t it? I tried to escape the snow all the way to Nashville, only to be greeted by a snowstorm that, ironically, helped me uncover another piece of my true self. Life has a funny way of doing that – throwing you curveballs that end up being just what you needed.

So here I am, learning to embrace the unexpected, to find joy in the little things, and most importantly, to be okay with just being. No more running, no more ‘shoulds,’ just me and my newfound appreciation for life’s quirks.

In the end, it’s not about the snow or the tasks or even the early wake-ups. It’s about discovering who I am underneath all the layers of expectations and obligations. And as I sit here, watching the snow gently fall, I realize that sometimes the greatest adventures are found not in the doing, but in the being.

Who knew a snowstorm in Nashville would be my wake-up call to start living authentically? Here’s to more discoveries, more laughs, and less worrying about pleasing everyone else. Because, as it turns out, the magic is right here, in the mess of life. It’s in the moments when we stop trying so hard to control everything and just let life happen. It’s in the snowstorms and the early mornings, in the unexpected turns that lead us closer to our true selves.

So, my resolution? It’s not just about staying up later; it’s about waking up to myself. It’s about slowing down, asking for help, and most importantly, learning to float in the chaos of life without thrashing around trying to control it.

As the snow continues to blanket Nashville, I’m reminded that sometimes, the best thing we can do is nothing at all. Just sit back, relax, and let the universe show us the way. Because sometimes, the universe knows exactly what we need, even if it’s a snowstorm on a sleepy Monday morning.

Here’s to finding laughter in the chaos, joy in the journey, and the courage to be unapologetically ourselves. The magic isn’t out there; it’s been inside us all along, just waiting for us to stop and notice it.