Dealing with Your Inner ‘Clark’: 3 Steps to recover when you lose your shit

“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here.” Remember Clark Griswold’s epic meltdown in “Christmas Vacation”? We can all relate to those moments when we don’t recognize ourselves, when our inner ‘Clark’ or ‘Bob’ shows up and we’re left reeling about our own behavior.

I’d like to say I can think back a few years to when I can recall my own Clark meltdown, but no, it was just yesterday. I had a meltdown with my wife about social media and how best to do it. Hard to believe I melted down around creating social media posts, but yes, I did, and the worst version of myself came out. I’ve given this part of myself a name; it’s my inner Bob. When Bob shows up, I become very cold, emotionally unavailable, stubborn, and need to be right at all costs. I make my wife wrong, pride myself on being calm in the midst of our fight, and feel I’m the captain of this ship. It’s difficult to recognize I become this person, but now that I see it, I certainly can’t unsee it.

The good news in the midst of this four-alarm holiday emergency is that I have the first law of spirit, awareness. This is the first step in spiritual growth: to see it, to name it. I have seen Bob, met Bob, and the good news is that this is the first step in taming it and choosing a different action next time I’m triggered.

Step 1: Name Your Inner ‘Clark’ or ‘Bob’

The first step in dealing with your inner ‘Clark’ is to give it a name. Maybe it’s Clark, Chucky, or Trixie. Naming it helps with awareness. Pay attention to triggers and emotions that signal ‘Clark’ is about to show up. Awareness is the first step in spiritual growth.

Step 2: Ground Yourself

Once you’re aware of your inner ‘Clark’ or ‘Bob,’ the next step is to ground yourself. When ‘Clark’ emerges, you’re in fight or flight mode. Engaging the parasympathetic nervous system helps. Use your five senses to calm down. Grab a glass of water, feel something soft, listen to five different sounds—anything to reconnect with the present.

Step 3: Have Grace with Yourself

Lastly, have grace with yourself. No one feels great about a spectacular meltdown; we can feel full of regret, shame, or embarrassment, and here is the thing, we’ve all done it. These are humbling times, and diving into a self-hate or shame spiral isn’t going to help anything. Have compassion for yourself and be gentle.

Try compassionate self-forgiveness and know we all stumble at times. The key is to learn from it and choose differently next time. Over time, with practice, the space between stimulus (the triggering jelly event) and our response (hopefully not a four-alarm holiday emergency) becomes a bigger and bigger space for awareness, allowing our inner best self to emerge.

So, next time ‘Clark’ or ‘Bob’ shows up, remember these three steps: Name it, Ground yourself, and Have Grace. You’ve got this! “Have the hap hap happiest Christmas” with the authentic you!