Rachel Holz Weber’s recent Substack hit me like a ton of bricks. She wrote about forgiving assholes, and while I’ve got my fair share of thoughts on that, it made me reflect on something closer to home: forgiving myself. Because if I’m honest, my inner critic has been the most relentless asshole I’ve ever known.

“I think I’ve always assumed that my inner critic, that accusing voice inside my head that is always telling me how far my actual self is from my ideal self… I’ve always assumed that I needed that voice, that somehow if I didn’t criticize myself, I’d lose my edge—I’d just flail around in the quicksand of mediocrity. I’d become a quivering mass of unexamined character defects or at the very least I’d stop ‘improving.’”

Can anyone else relate to this? For so long, I’ve held onto the belief that my inner critic was keeping me sharp, pushing me forward. But was it really? Or was it just keeping me stuck in a cycle of self-judgment, shame, and, ultimately, burnout?

I’ve tried just about everything to silence that voice. I’ve tried to outsmart it, argue with it, drown it out with affirmations and distractions. But what if the key isn’t in silencing the critic but in meeting it with compassion? What if we try something softer, something radical like forgiveness?

One of the most powerful tools I’ve discovered is compassionate self-forgiveness. It sounds simple, but it’s not easy. It starts with phrases like, “I forgive myself for judging myself as ______” or “I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that ______.” And the language matters. It’s not about saying, “I forgive myself for being lazy” because that subtly reinforces the label of laziness. Instead, it’s about letting go of the judgment, of the wrongness I’ve made about myself (or even someone else).

So, what can you forgive in yourself today? Is there a misunderstanding or judgment you’ve been holding onto, thinking it’s helping you “improve”? What if it’s only keeping you stuck?

And Rachel, thank you. Your words hit the nail on the head every time. If you haven’t read her latest, “Forgive Assholes,” stop what you’re doing and read it right now. You won’t regret it.