Dancing with Failure: A Journey to Resilience and Growth
In the unfiltered pages of my journal, the echo of F-bombs collided with the rawness of emotion. “I am so angry” sprawled across the page, a cathartic release of the frustration brewing within. Yet, amid the chaos of emotions, I recognized a pivotal moment. Here I was, facing a choice I desperately wanted to make differently. Could I respond with kindness, forgiveness, and love? The honest answer: I couldn’t. In that moment, I encountered failure head-on, unable to course-correct as I had envisioned. Failure—a word heavy with societal connotations and personal judgments. Let’s step back and explore the origins of this loaded term, for it simply means to make or not make, a neutral concept laden with the weight of our perceptions.
As I grappled with my inability to choose kindness over anger, I began to contemplate the very essence of failure. A quick Google search revealed that the term “failure” comes from an old French word, signifying non-occurrence. In Latin, the root, “deficere,” closely associates failure with the concept of perfection. This etymological exploration brought me face to face with a seemingly neutral term, carrying a depth of societal baggage.
In the context of a simple act like shooting hoops, failure becomes a binary concept—you either make the shot, or you don’t. It’s a familiar scenario; however, the weight attached to the term adds a layer of complexity. Unlike the carefree nature of attempting a basketball shot, failure in everyday life seems to carry the same weight as the other F-word—one that we often hesitate to utter.
Reflecting on a recent attempt at running, where each step felt heavy and uncomfortable, I encountered a personal reckoning with failure. The wind whispered excuses to stop, the chill clung to my skin, and my body protested against the extra weight gained over the past year. It was a turning point, not driven by a desire for a superficial change but a genuine need for comfort within my own skin. This was not about succumbing to societal beauty standards but about reclaiming the ease and joy of running.
As I grappled with my short run, I realized that this discomfort was the catalyst for a positive change. It wasn’t about appearance; it was about feeling at ease in my body, irrespective of societal judgments. The extra weight had become a physical manifestation of a larger issue—I was uncomfortable in my own skin. In this discomfort, failure emerged as a teacher, pointing towards a necessary course correction.
Returning home, I shared my frustration with my wife, Kelly, and made a pivotal decision. It was time for a change, not driven by the quest for perfection but by the desire for a healthier lifestyle. Kelly suggested reaching out to Wendy, a renowned nutrition coach in Denver. This was the action and commitment I needed. I dialed Wendy’s number and shared my experience, emphasizing that this change was not about perfection but a genuine course correction. “I’m open to failing this time,” I admitted. “I’m more interested in practicing getting back on track than doing the reset perfectly.” We both agreed in progress over perfection.
In that moment, the analogy of meditation as holding a balloon in the mind resonated. The aim was to keep the balloon centered, neither drifting into the future nor lingering in the past. This became my new approach to food. Setting an intention to eat in a way aligned with my mind, body, and soul, I sought a balanced approach. The balloon method was not about all or nothing, not about getting it right, but about constant course correction, a practice in returning to center. A practice centering on failure rather than avoiding it.
However, amidst this journey, Wendy picked up on my choice of words—failure. “That sounds so harsh,” she remarked. It was a profound observation. The term failure had become loaded with judgment and harsh self-criticism. When did this happen? The origins of the word suggested a neutral concept—either making something or not making it. Yet, somewhere along the line, this neutrality had morphed into an unfavorable judgment, equating failure with not being good enough. I lost failure as an indicator to return home, and instead used at as a way to beat myself down.
For a significant part of my life, I had succumbed to the pitfalls of perfectionism. The fear of not making it, of failing, had restricted my choices, creating a small, carefully curated world where only known victories were pursued. This meticulous approach had become exhausting and stifling, limiting the possibilities for growth. It was time to break free from the shackles of perfection and embrace the necessity of failure.
What if, instead of fearing failure, I fell in love with it? What if every missed attempt became a source of information, a guide on the path to improvement and growth? Failure, often demonized, is an essential component of the human experience. It is in our falls that we learn balance, resilience, grit, empathy, and compassion. Just as a toddler stumbles repeatedly before mastering the art of walking, each failure is a step toward understanding and perfecting our endeavors.
As I pondered these ideas, I realized that failure had been my silent companion throughout life. It had nudged me toward course corrections, offering invaluable insights. This time, I was ready to embrace failure without the weight of judgment. I wanted to enjoy both making and missing the shot, recognizing each attempt as a step toward personal evolution.
Failure, when divorced from the connotations of unworthiness and inadequacy, transforms into a catalyst for growth. It becomes a friend, a guide, and a companion on the journey toward self-discovery. Falling in love with failure meant acknowledging its role as a stepping stone, not a stumbling block.
In this newfound perspective, I am not seeking a life devoid of failure. Instead, I am inviting it to dance with me, to teach me, and to propel me forward. Failure is not the opposite of success; it is an integral part of it. It is the untold story behind every triumph, the silent partner in every victory.
As I embark on this journey of embracing failure, I do so with a heart open to the lessons it brings. No longer will I fear the missteps; instead, I will relish them as the harmonious notes in the symphony of growth. Failure, once a word burdened with self-doubt, now emerges as a celebration of resilience and a testament to the audacity of trying.
In parting, I extend an invitation to you—embrace failure, dance with it, and let it be your guide. For in failure, we discover the true essence of our strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. Let us fall in love with the imperfections, knowing that each stumble is a step closer to the extraordinary.
