Dear

First, thank you for your post,

Why of All Things Lutheran. It touched something deep in me—a nudge back to church, back to faith. I didn’t grow up with any organized religion, and faith hasn’t been a big part of my community for most of my life. Yet, it’s been an ongoing conversation inside me since I was small. I would talk to God all the time, even while wondering if God exists. I wanted to know if this was it, if there was more to life. I wanted to understand how to wake up in the morning and feel relief from the deep pain of not belonging here.

That journey eventually led me to the United Methodist Church, where I felt a sense of home in a strange way, even though I had never been in that space before. I had the chance to speak and share with the congregation, and I was beyond lit up. I had never felt more me, more connected, or more alive. I wanted more of that. So, I went to seminary at Iliff School of Theology, and it completely opened up my world. I thought I was going there to learn the Bible, but I ended up meeting myself. My gender expression and sexual identity started to shift, and I came out a year later.

In the midst of falling in love with a woman while serving a church, I felt a strange conflict. I loved preaching, leading a congregation, and thinking about faith all the time. Yet, the rules of the church didn’t seem to align with who I was becoming. I worried about pursuing ordination when I had so many questions. And then, everything seemed to collapse. I lost my mentor and pastor to cancer, got divorced, came out, and, on top of all that, was discontinued from the church. The reason? I missed a Zoom session with the Board of Ordained Ministry. Just like that, I was done. No follow-up, no support, hardly any explanation—nothing.

At first, I told myself I didn’t really want it anyway, that it was good the decision was made for me. But that was just a cover. It took me at least another year to process the rejection, and it still doesn’t feel real. How did I get kicked out? Why? None of it makes sense, and the loss feels huge. I don’t even know where to go with it. I feel nauseous stepping back into church spaces, and yet I miss it so much. I miss my friend. I miss community. I miss talking about faith.

Your article this morning spoke deeply to me. I want to come back, to rejoin, but I’m still carrying so many questions, deep hurts, and confusion. I’m not sure what I’m asking for—maybe it’s guidance? Maybe it’s connection? I want to explore faith again, but I don’t know where to start, or how to process this grief.

What would you suggest?

With love,
Molly