From Broncos to Breath: Unveiling Your Authentic Self:Building Self-Trust through Niggles and Nudges

Exploring the Concept of “Self”

Does anyone else struggle with understanding the concept of “self”? I believe the seemingly simple question, “Who are you?” should be easy to answer. After all, if we know anything, it should be ourselves, right? Yet, I find it the most challenging query. Where do we start? I can list labels like Molly, wife, sister, daughter, author, and more. But that doesn’t capture my essence. I’m a soul having a human experience—closer but still not fully me. The closest I get is by sharing what I love: books, office supplies, 7th-grade boy humor, dogs, Christmas, all things 80s, comfy clothes, Legos, and watching the sunrise. Following the thread of genuine love, without external pressure, helps connect with and know oneself. What do you love, especially the seemingly senseless and ridiculous? Now, that’s a good starting point to truly know thyself.

The Thread of Genuine Love

For those who draw a blank, don’t worry; you’re not alone. I, too, started there. I spent two weeks trying to identify what I loved for no one else but me. Initially, nothing came to mind. I couldn’t distinguish where I began and others ended. Did I even like skiing? Or was it to please someone else? Then, in a moment of solitude, I found joy watching a Denver Bronco game, unrelated to anyone around me. It was the first thread of my authentic self emerging. To permanently anchor myself to this realization, I got a Denver Bronco tattoo, a reminder to always return to and honor my true self.

Practical Techniques for Self-Connection

However, tattoos aside, there’s a more practical way to connect with oneself without permanently marking the body.

During my master’s program at the University of Santa Monica, I learned a practice of tuning into self. Find a comfortable seat, plant your feet, soften your gaze, or close your eyes. Take deep breaths, inhaling love and exhaling hate, inhaling joy and exhaling misery, inhaling knowing and exhaling doubt. Reflect on a moment when you felt pure joy. Immerse yourself in that memory, feeling it throughout your body. This is the practice of centering yourself in your authentic self.

Just a month ago, on the morning of my wedding in Joshua Tree National Park, stress began creeping in. Overwhelmed by the tasks ahead, I decided to get playful to stay in a positive mindset. Seeing a messy kitchen, I abandoned the tea-making mission, grabbed marshmallows, and initiated a surprise marshmallow attack with my daughter, Lucy. What started as a chaotic response turned into a morning of delight. This memory now serves as a centering force for my authentic self.

Next, recall a moment when you felt most yourself, alive, present, and capable of anything. For me, it was the first time I preached to a congregation. Identify your moment, whether it’s baking, surfing, dancing, running, skiing, singing, drawing, or any other activity. Connect with that experience in your body. This is how you access your inner counselor, inner wisdom, or inner knowing. Center yourself in your authentic self, then invoke your inner counselor. It may sound unconventional, but give it a try.

Building Trust with Your Authentic Self

Congratulations, you’ve just met yourself. This is you. Start building trust with this part of you, let it guide you. When you listen and follow through, you build trust; when you override your inner knowing, you break self-trust. Check in on your relationship with your inner counselor. Where do you stand? Are you strangers, long-lost acquaintances, or besties? Don’t judge; simply notice and become aware of the relationship.

Tuning into Inner Wisdom

Tune in and listen to your inner wisdom. I often experience an inner nudge, a niggle, urging me to call my mom, reach out to a friend, or do a small act of kindness. Sometimes it’s as simple as picking up a piece of trash. The more I respond to these niggles, the more trust I build with myself. Keep in mind, developing this connection took time, patience, and vulnerability for me.

Quieting the Mind for Authentic Living

What niggle have you felt lately? A call to make, a creative endeavor to pursue, or a small action to take? Answer your heart’s call, listen to the niggle, and take one small action. The quieter your mind, the louder the niggles become. Responding to them authentically leads to a more genuine life, embodying the fruits of the spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.