From Loneliness to Connection: The Truth About Belonging

Thoughts on We Can Do Hard Things No 328: Feel the Loneliness, Jealousy, and Longing

I listened to “We Can Do Hard Things No. 328: Feel the Loneliness, Jealousy, and Longing” this morning and more than I can say, I appreciate the question and conversation. Loneliness is something I have suffered with most of my life. No matter what I did, where I was, who I was with, or what I ate, it seemed like I was suffering with loneliness. The longing I felt was profound. I resonated with Leonard Cohen and other types of longing music. I couldn’t figure out why I was so lonely or why connection felt impossible. It seemed so easy for others, yet I suffered. For me, friends just couldn’t be found.

At 35, I couldn’t do it anymore and had a suicidal crisis. At this point, I learned I had depression, which seemed to fill in many of the blanks. I knew this was chronic depression and something I would live with for the rest of my life. I studied, researched, read, and healed. I found ways to minimize the disruptions of depression and learned coping strategies. Yet, deep down, I still felt disconnected, lonely, and longing. There would be moments of connection, but it seemed so fleeting.