I woke up this morning feeling amazing. It’s 4:40 a.m., and the house is blissfully quiet. The dogs didn’t wake me at 3 a.m. with their insatiable demands for food, so this Friday already feels like a win. It’s PJ day at school, which means Leo will be in a great mood, and for once, waking them up won’t feel like herding cats. Life is good!

I got up, made coffee, posted on social media, and dove headfirst into my morning: packing Leo’s lunch, making gingerbread-shaped pancakes (complete with hot chocolate, whipped cream, and sprinkles), driving to their dad’s to pick up special slippers, cleaning the kitchen. It’s now 9 a.m. Kelly is out for her walk, Leo is at school, the dogs are snoozing peacefully.

And I… triple-checked that I paid my taxes.

What the actual f*ck?

I told myself I would spend this hour with a cup of coffee and my book. That’s what I wanted. But instead, I responded to emails, cleaned up the kitchen (again), and re-checked my taxes. Why do I do this? Why do I avoid the things I want to do—the things that would actually feel good?

Here’s the pattern: If something isn’t productive, if it doesn’t contribute to a to-do list or an external goal, it gets pushed to the back of the line. Reading a book for fun? A long, hot bath? Sitting with a cup of coffee just because? These things feel indulgent. They feel selfish.

And yet, I know better. I know these small joys are vital. I know pleasure isn’t a luxury—it’s necessary for my well-being. But knowing and doing are two very different things.

I’ve been reflecting on this a lot lately, and today, I’m taking it to therapy. Why is it so hard to choose myself? Why does relaxing feel like an indulgence instead of an act of self-care?

I looked into it, and here’s what I found:

Experts say this avoidance often stems from deeper beliefs. For many of us, there’s an internalized message that rest isn’t “productive.” We’ve learned to equate our worth with our output—what we accomplish, how much we get done, how we show up for others. Taking time for ourselves can feel uncomfortable, even guilt-inducing, because it challenges that deeply ingrained mindset.

There’s also fear. Rest and relaxation require us to be present, to sit with ourselves. For some of us, that stillness can feel vulnerable. It’s easier to stay busy, to distract ourselves with tasks and to-do lists, than to face what we might feel in the quiet.

So, what’s the solution? I’m still figuring it out.

But here’s what I’m committing to: One small act of pleasure every day. Not a reward for productivity. Not something to earn. Just something I want to do because it brings me joy.

Today, that looks like putting this blog aside, pouring a fresh cup of coffee, and sitting with my book for 30 minutes—uninterrupted.

How about you? What’s one small way you can choose yourself today? Can you take that bath, read that book, or just sit and enjoy a moment of stillness? Let’s make space for the things that bring us joy. Let’s remind ourselves that we are worth it.

I’d love to hear from you: What gets in the way of choosing yourself? And what’s one small thing you can do this week to reclaim your joy? Let me know in the comments or hit reply—I’d love to connect.

🌿 Here’s to finding magic in the mess.

#MagicInTheMess #SelfCare #ChooseYourself #LetGoOfGuilt #FindingJoy #EmbraceTheMess